Today is the first official day of school with kids at the high school I taught at for 8 years. For 8 years (well, 6, if you take out the 2 first days I missed from maternity breaks), my Sunday night before Monday Institute day was filled with a huge mix of nerves and sadness and fears and anticipation heading into a new school year…and then Monday, the day before students returned, was filled with excitement.  As my facebook timeline reflected last night and today, it isn’t the school party that teachers get excited to go back for- it’s the kids part, and that is the part I will miss the most.

I am such a jumble of mixed emotions about not returning this year that I have started and re-started this post a million times, and am not really even sure where to go with it. I am so excited about what my kids will learn from their new teacher, but even more excited about what they will teach her.  I am thrilled that another teacher will have the opportunity to have her life touched by them, as mine and my two long term subs did. And I am a little sad for myself that I won’t get that same daily interaction with them, and the same music experiences with them.  Sad for how little “Mrs Gum” I will hear day to day, and for the ways I already feel like my “teacher” identity has faded in my life.

This week, I have 2.5 work days for photography scheduled in to catch up from the last few weeks.  One was yesterday, today I have the first TuesdaysTogether meeting for Springfield (read about that here!), and another day later in the week. But that leaves 2.5 full, uninterrupted days, not half days with scattered evenings, that I will get to play with and hug and kiss and squeeze my kids.  2.5 days where we will see some friends, swim, laugh, play outside, run around with Piper (our Aussie).  2.5 days that I feel like I had none of before because the mornings were spent worrying and fretting and getting ready, and the afternoons were spent at school.  And that is what I will remember as I miss my other kids this week.  Keeping my eye on the prize of this enormous gift I have been given in this time with my babies.  Having scheduled time for JGP to build and grow that isn’t taking away from family in the evenings.  Even on the days I feel jealous or sad or unsure, I know I will be forever thankful for this time!

To my school kids- go back with excitement over what is to come, and pride over what you have built and get to keep building on!  ENJOY this year and have fun together! I am excited for you.  And get ready for an amazing spring musical in a few short months!

I guess in ways, I will always be a teacher, regardless of whether I have a physical classroom or not!