Blog post topics are something that are always in the back of my mind, and I am constantly writing and re-writing each in my head before sharing them here.  The problem is that sometimes my best versions happen at a time that I can’t write them down- and then I forget!  While I was writing this post in my head this morning, I wanted to make sure that I remembered my 5 main lessons- and they all easily boiled down to 5 words: Words, Tone, Winner, Choice, and Time. And that helped me remember until I was able to get to my computer! What the heck do those 5 words have in common?!

They are all the take home piece of 5 major lessons we have learned while photographing weddings together this season!  Photographing weddings is something I (obviously!) have an extreme amount of love for…and I just think there is nothing like sharing that with my husband at my side.  While I do get the pleasure of second shooting with a few of my brilliant photographer friends sometimes, and am so thankful for that, getting to do this job with Michael’s help on a regular basis is one of my favorite parts about the job.  I will be sharing more about why soon, but for today I wanted to talk through some of the marriage (and life!) lessons that really got solidified for us this wedding season.  Weddings are so many things, and while most of the day of is beautiful and fun, there can be some stressful moments too, and it is in both types of moments that we can see these lessons for us come to play!  As a wife and a person, I am always trying to think about how I could be loving those in my life better (and I make big mistakes all the time at it), so I am excited to write these down here, so that when I start to forget my 5 words, I can look back and remember!

5 lessons I Learned about Marriage while Photographing Weddings with my Husband

1). Words.  We have always been careful about communication in general, because we know that it is one of the the cornerstones of healthy relationships.  In general life, Michael and I are pretty lucky in this area- we both have a generally open and congenial way of talking with each other and people in general. But when things get stressful, I start to struggle very quickly with what I am saying, and learn easily on wedding days that I have to be very careful with what I am saying. At a wedding just a few weeks ago, we were in a rush time wise and I caught myself using words that weren’t as kind as how I usually choose to speak to Michael, words that were bossy and much more pointed than necessary when trying to get through a tight timeline.  That is not the usual for me, and not how I try to talk to him- so wedding days are a wonderful check point for me on how I behave when schedules or life circumstances get stressful.

2). Tone. In our opinion, just as important as WHAT you say is HOW you say it.  Even if I am saying please and thank you and showing my love and appreciation for Michael with my words (which I think is SO important for our couples, and really everyone in our lives, to see), if my tone shows that I am stressed and worried, the words lose their weight.  This is a big one in life in general, and one I struggle with a little more than what I say.  Tone really does convey more than words (which is why social media, with no tone, is often tricky!) and I have to be careful to keep any negativity out of my tone!  We see tone play a lot of parts in a wedding day and it is an important thing to always keep in mind!

3). Winner. This might be the strangest point I have to make. A How I Met Your Mother episode that we love (what am I saying, we love all HIMYM episodes!) makes a joke about each relationship/marriage having a “winner” and a “loser”. Now before you wonder what the heck I am talking about…it is in the context of someone in the marriage “marries up”- gets the better catch of the two.  And friends, I could shout it to the rooftops for the rest of my days… I married up!!!  Michael makes me a better person daily by his example of kindness and respect, by his gentle spirit, and by his ability to love us.  But the crazy thing is that I think he would say that he married up as well.  Our wedding days remind us that the best place to be in a marriage is in a situation where both people believe with their full hearts that they got the better catch- and then try to be worthy of that.  Because on wedding days, I think our couples truly believe that, and we see it in how they look at each other. So it is a good reminder of that for us, even when the dishes aren’t done and the laundry took over our bed for the 5th 10th day in a row, and we got confused about who was picking up the kids. Which leads me to my next point…

4). Choice. If you have been around this series for long, you read a whole post about love being a choice. I am very passionate about this idea- viewing love as a verb, an action, in your life.  And never more so than with your spouse- who you have to actively choose to “out-love” each other every day.  We see that all day long on wedding days between our brides and grooms, because they just love each other like crazy on that day and work so hard to make sure each other are having a great day and are getting what they need.  It is a good reminder for us that that choice needs to continue every day in our own lives.

5). Time. There is never a better reminder of us for how precious time is, and how quickly time passes, then on wedding days. With each of our 19 weddings this year, we were extremely aware that the months were passing in our kids lives- our youngest grew into a toddler during this season. And while we know it may seem sensational- we also know that each wedding brings us closer to the day our babies may walk down that aisle. Michael tells me after every wedding that he might not make it through our daughter’s first dance with him- and it is such a precious reminder to appreciate our time as we go. It also causes us to value our Sundays with our babies SO much during wedding season because we don’t get Saturdays!

This ended up being a bit longer than I pictured- thanks for sticking with me! Hopefully these lessons can be a reminder for you as well! Click here for more Marriage Mondays Posts!