One of the reasons I most love photographing weddings, one of the things that makes up my “why” for being a wedding photographer, is my passion for marriage.  For people to enter into it smartly, for couples to recognize it is more of a choice than anything, for them to find joy in the day to day together, and for husband and wives to continue to make that choice every day for the rest of their lives.  I grew up with divorced parents from the time I was 2 on.  I believe my parents made the best decision they could, made it as incredibly easy on my brother and I as they could, and I had 2 (and eventually 3!) very involved and loving parents raise me.  I consider myself very lucky, and to have witnessed great love in my parents- just not necessarily for each other.  And part of my passion for marriage comes out of that history.

Michael and I will be married 6 years this fall. That isn’t a ton of years.  I am not overly qualified to give marriage advice, feel like I am learning still every day and will be forever, and don’t necessarily seek for this series to be advice.  More so just thoughts of someone going through it, experiencing it, the ups and downs. Some thoughts for other married couples, or other single people, to maybe encourage and share.  Some of this series will be based on stories of us- and some will just be lessons we have learned along the way. Some short and some long I am sure (knowing me, more long than short ;-)) but all heartfelt and with the intention of elevating marriage for my readers.  Because it is hard, and messy, and difficult, and the absolute most fulfilling relationship I have ever experienced.

6 years married isn’t exactly minimal either.  Michael and I have experienced a lot of life together in those years, and I am so thankful for every day of them.  Today, I want to briefly touch on something mentioned above, something that I think is my number one most important to marriages concept that I have learned about marriage through my relationship with Michael.  And that is the concept of marriage being a choice. A choice you make, in the dating stages, that you want to keep loving someone every day forever.  That they are the only person you want to love forever.  That you are willing to give your life as you know it up for them, to build a family with them. That they are who you choose to parent your children with you, if you decide to be a parent.  That they are the face you want to wake up to every day.  I think often when you find someone you love, and are at the right place and time in your life, that choice can be easy- and very fun- to make.  But the choice that I really am passionate about?

The daily choice.  The choice after that that comes every day.  To love them more than you love being right. To love them even when you don’t necessarily agree.  To love on the good days filled with laughter and sunsets and fun, and on the days with clouds and hard conversations and difficult choices.  When the floor needs cleaning, and the kids aren’t dressed, and your wife can’t cook a darn thing and you are making dinner again (that’s for you Michael!).  As days turn into months and years and decades and then eventually you have been married longer than you weren’t…still choosing the other, every day.

At our second 2016 wedding last weekend, the pastor told a couple that is very dear to us to work hard to each love their soon to be husband/wife even better than they were being loved.  I was struck by the sentiment.  I am not necessarily a super competitive person (unless you get out card games!!), but I loved the element of drive there- to try to “out-love” your partner.  Serve them more, help them more, choose them more. It is a beautiful goal to aim for.

Of course, it is quite important to choose the right person to give that sort of love to in the first place- the sort who is going to try to out-love you as well.  And I have certainly found that in my Michael.  Can you make the choice to love your spouse more today?  I’m cheering you on, sending encouragement your way! Try with me! 🙂

Look for another Marriage Monday soon!