This post might be a long one…and it is something that began in my head almost 4 years ago when we had our second child.  I want to preface this by saying that there is nothing about having 1 kid (or 2 or 3 or 10) that is easy!  But I feel like having more than one kid has always made the time that I DID have just one seem so so much less complex and difficult than I made it at the time…and now I feel the same about having 3 vs 2.  So I thought I would share the top 10 things that I wish I would have known or realized or believed or done when I just had one baby before we had more kids, in hopes that it might speak to some of you new mamas or those that want to become a mama and help them cherish that tricky and hard time a bit more!

I am truly surprised at how much easier caring for one gets as you add more, and I really wish sometimes that I could be a mama for the first time again to just one knowing what I know and have experienced now!  And I think that story will continue on and on as I get more and more experience as a mom.  6 years in and I am still learning every day!

The top 10 things I wish I had known when I was a new mom

1). You will likely sleep again…but never in the same way.  It is so easy to believe that you never will ever again in those early days. Or to believe that once your babies sleep through the night, you will too if only you can get there.  But I truly believe I haven’t slept a full night in 6 years…not because one of my kids has woken up every night since but because I personally wake to every noise and fuss now, knowing my kids might need me.  

2). As exhausting as being 100% of the time mom can be (especially if you are home), being away can be even harder!  Being a stay at home mom is the hardest job I have ever had, but from my time being a working mom also, that is just as hard.  There is no right or wrong here– but I think sometimes this is a “grass is greener” topic and really, the grass is just different.  It is hard either way.

3). Fed baby is best. Period.  Oh the tears I have shed over how tricky breastfeeding can be.  And how frustrated I have been each time once we transition to formula that I gave myself so much grief and guilt over it all.  Feed your baby, and feed them in the best way you can.  That is really all that matters. 

4). ENJOY allll the time with baby instead of worrying about the things you should be doing instead.  Honestly, this might be the biggest one for me.  The quiet cuddle time will never be the same again as your baby gets older or as you have other kids.  Relish in the QUIET cuddle time. The nextflix time. The snuggle time. Because after you have more, your older kids are ALWAYS there in the quiet baby moments, and it’s beautiful…but it just isn’t the same.  I didn’t enjoy it enough with my first, and I wish I could experience it the same with my others.

5). You might completely miss some of the “rules” and it’s ok.  We prepared formula for our first with warm tap water.  We honestly never heard about nursery water, or really that warm tap water was an issue.  We just didn’t realize it.  It is also ok if the pacifier drops on the ground and goes back in baby’s mouth, or if everything isn’t sterilized every day week month.  Just do the best you can.

6). Don’t be timid about your rules and desires for your baby with ANYONE. I think this is really important…because if you are someone who really worries about other’s feelings, it is easy to just figure that you should keep your wishes to yourself.  For me, the big things that you DO get to have your way are in regards to safety.  Car seats, germ protection, baby gates…share your feelings! It’s ok!

7). On the flip side…keep your mama bear in check.  Just because your way might be the FASTEST or the EASIEST, you HAVE to let your husband/wife/parents/babysitters learn THEIR OWN WAY to care for your baby or there will either be constant tension between you and those you love. OR people will stop wanting to help.  So for me…if it’s a safety risk, I step in.  If it’s just not my preference or definition of the best way? I let it go.

8). Speaking of let it go…sing it over and over. Not because you will have it in your head alllll day long when your kid falls in love with the movie, but because the things that seem so scary or hard or whatever now won’t be in a few weeks/months/years.  Everything goes in stages.

9). Stay in your lane! Don’t look left, right, or behind you… look ahead! Say yes to a few things and no to a lot of others.  Throw away the mom guilt.  You are doing the best you can.  Make the best decisions you can for your family at any given time, and if that decision ended up less than ideal, know you did the best you could, and move on.  There are so many things to second guess and worry about and figure you could have done it better– just do the best you can at any given moment.

10).  DO NOT GOOGLE. Ok, we all google.  And it is helpful in MANY ways.  But when it comes to any sort of ailment you believe your kid has?  It’s not worth it. Trust your gut, call your doctor if you need to, and stay away from Dr. Google.

Last honorable mention (so I guess there was 11)…Motherhood might look different than you expected and dreamed.  And that’s ok.  Staying home with my kids looks a lot different than I pictured, and it’s ok.  Motherhood is harder than I dreamed and pictured…and better than I ever imagined.  I am guessing your story is similar!