WHY I’M NOT OK TODAY… (but will be tomorrow, or maybe the next day!)

August 18, 2019

School starts today.

For E1, we have been doing this for a few years.  I miss him when he’s gone and miss the time with him, but the days when I got all his time are quite far removed, and it feels like riding a bike again after a long break when the school year starts…a little rusty with some hiccups for a few miles, and then smooth sailing.

But E2. Oh E2, my sweet only girl.  Doing full school days for the first time.  She’s young for her grade, and that makes it a little harder for me because while I do believe she is ready, I know she’s not as ready as her classmates who were born 9 months before her!  But it’s so much more.  Being a part time stay at home mom has been very challenging, but also the very best gift of my life.  It has allowed me to spend all day with my babies for 4-7 days of the week…every single week of their lives.  It’s a lot of time, and the days felt so long (some more than others).  But the years…as you know, they absolutely flew by.  And going to full day school means that I literally get 12-20 less hours with her PER WEEK.  For every week of the school year.  That is such a huge shift and difference in time with my greatest girl, my little bff, and I cannot even think about it without being reduced to a puddle of tears.  It isn’t that I don’t KNOW she is going to thrive and grow and change and learn, because I DO.  It is just that for these 5 years, I have gotten all that time with her…and now it all goes to someone else.  She has been doing Pre-K the past 2 years but that is just 3 hours a day, so it is a huge shift.

Her teacher this year is a sweet friend of mine, someone I know and trust and love, and I am so thankful for that.  Actually…her teacher was in the room the night (well, morning!) that E2 was born!  She is an extremely talented photographer, and did birth photography for me- so she LITERALLY saw E2’s first breath.  And that is absolutely crazy to think about– that now, she will guide E2’s first year in full day school.  I feel like it is definitely a God thing that E2 will be loved and taught by this friend of mine, and I’m so thankful!  But all of E2’s close friends went (together!) to another class so I that will be an adjustment.

She will do great, and I will be fine…but not today.  And that’s ok!

One of my favorite quotes that I saw on a friend’s post years ago (though cannot credit because I don’t know who wrote it) describes so much about the HOPE I have even though today is hard.

“Our kids will be fine. Not because of anything we did, but because as they move further from our reach, we are reminded of whose they are, and how much they are loved by the One who gave them to us in the first place.”

It is crazy hard to raise them and love them and grow them…knowing that first they leave you for school, and then a much bigger transition one day in the future.  I know that’s what part of parenting is- prepping and loving them into adults…but it is so hard.  And it goes so fast.

E3 also has a big transition this year too going into a home daycare for my work hours for the first time ever, but it’s just 2 partial days a week so I’m not even going to go there in this post!

And it ALL happens today.  So today? I’m not ok.

But I will be. And parents? If you are feeling similarly about whatever kid transition you are in as school starts? You will be too!  I’m with you…and will be wearing BIG sunglasses for the rest of the week day to cover my puffy eyes!


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